Electricbones’s Weblog

An ode to our dear friends, creep mugs…

a thrift store find that was one of a kind
we fell in love and lost our minds
blood shot eyes and toothy grin that I shall never see again
you kept our tea and coffee warm
until that awful, dreaded morn (night)
when our neighbor from down the way
did a dangerous dance while we played
michael jackson on my comp
(and suddenly heard a crushing “stomp!”)
the babes had fallen to the ground
broken to pieces with that doomed sound

oh the moon walk had taken our beloveds to a better place
their still skeletons laid on the floor with unchanging cracked face

The fleeting life of our creep mugs reminds me of the story of how I caught a bass off the dock at my grandparents house when I was eight….

We would always play along the beach… skipping stones and wading and swimming in the water, often having my mother pull the nasty seaweed out of our way before we dared to move forward. One day I found washed up on the shore one of those fake plastic-y worms (it was purple with sparkles) that are supposedly better for catching larger fish (i dont know much about fishing, really). I ran to my parents and told them I was going to catch a fish with it! I excitedly grabbed my fishing pole and went with my parents to the end of the dock to cast my pole into the water. It was summer and midday… and the water was not especially deep right off the dock, so I casted out as far as I could. I cant recollect how long we had been waiting (eight year olds tend to see time going by as slower) but I began to get impatient and wanted to go get a snack from the house. As I was about to hand the pole to my mother… it began to tug… hard! My parents were surprised and maybe thought I had just caught some seaweed.. but I was struggling so my mom helped me grab the pole and my father grabbed the net and before my eyes a large bass emerged from the water. We kept the fish and ended up eating it for dinner that night. It was quite an event for someone who had mostly caught sunfish and perch in my times of fishing. I think I have a picture somewhere of me proudly holding my fish.

Anyways… I was so excited about using the plastic worm device again but it had been lost in our rush to show the rest of my family what had happened on the dock. I think I remember it falling though the cracks in the dock… lost in the water. But my dad and I talked about how maybe it was someone else’s turn to catch their big fish, and if I had kept using it… the catching of the fish would not have been as special as it was.

SO THUR FOHR… short lived love is oh so sweet.

ooo i am quickly turning into a blog freak! (ie reading blogs…. clicking on links on these blogs that then lead to other blogs… etc) So by doing that I came upon this guys adventure in discussing his ideas about capitalism. http://www.iamjoshbrown.com/blog/reimagining-capitalism/

also… make sure you check out other bloggers responses to his posts! they are awesomely interesting!

Definitely thought provoking as we as Christians in this western culture come to a time where we cant deny these ideas/discussions as a part of our lives… so chchchchcheck it out… i know my brain explodes each time i think about economics and such… love it!

While talking with a friend yesterday… we came upon the idea of commitment briefly (aka marriage, relationships, job opportunities..) and the fear we often have of it. I realized how afraid we are that by committing to something, for example someONE in marriage, we are scared that life will become mundane and predictable… that we are missing out on something better, or that we are closing our minds to new experiences.  Then I remembered that Jesus calls us to this life of commitment to Him…and that this life with Him is anything less than ordinary.  We are constantly being made new, and learning, and being challenged… there is so much JOY in this relationship… joy that makes every day a day to be a better servant to Jesus. In Psalms David is constantly praising God for the joy he feels in God’s presence. I get chills thinking about how much He loves me… We realized that committing to things  can be an adventure. An adventure that takes us places and opens our eyes… something that is so exciting and scary at the same time.

To further on the previous post…

God has recently been planting these passions in my heart for women in need and those in poverty and injustice around the world… and all that I feel that I can do about it right now is read and learn and listen to God for opportunities to further these passions.  It feels like a waiting period… but within this waiting period I feel like God is sewing things together and preparing my heart… and its really difficult to be focused and patient when I wish so much to have all the answers now.

A few Sundays ago, we had our yearly unity service here in town (State College, PA aka Penn State). Our unity service consists of multiple congregations from around the area meeting together to have one big (well actually two) services.  It is really amazing to see how often different pastors from the area actually invest in each others lives, and what their plans are to further God’s kingdom in our area by working together.  Oftentimes they have one pastor speak from a certain congregation, but this year they had a “tag team” effort of sorts with three different pastors doing one unified sermon. The theme was “Unfinished Business” and they all, on different levels, addressed the idea of the unfinished business that God has for us on an individual level, on a community level, and for the world.

Throughout the messages there was this underlying message of hope… that God takes this old self to make it new, and how He desires to see His work manifested in our life… and how although His vision may not be complete… that we have to focus on it and not give up.  One thing I struggle with (and I think I might have mentioned this before) is my frustration when getting a taste of that vision that God has for my life and it not being able to be fulfilled instantaneously.  God gives us this sampling of something so beautiful and appealing to our hearts, yet we can lose sight when WE try to own it and when we try to figure out how our life is going to go.  To me, it is a really visually realistic/hilarious…

we are on a highway and were looking at our mapquest directions and scratching our heads.. taking a few wrong exists and getting back on the expressway… then finally we take the right exit (A duh… not B) smack the steering wheel in joyous celebration, throw the directions to the passenger seat and speed up the exit ramp to find our own way through the city in confidence because we have ended up close enough to where we are supposed to be going. we haphazarly drive through the city streets and round and round speed up slow down… crap quick left turn look over your shoulder make sure no one is behind you… agh im going in a circle… U-turn!… again and again until we begrudgingly pick up those directions to see that we are still miles from where our true destination is.

God wants to show us His plans…. but I think He knows how quickly we are to turn back to confidence in ourselves instead of Him.  I want my perseverance to be in the purpose of God.

sorry this was kind of generalized… but my tummy is beginning to growl.. ill be more specific next post

 Hosea 6

1 “Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.

 2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

3 Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”

I think that God has really shown His faithfulness in my life recently through redemption in friendships.  We are such relational beings that when a relationship is practically ripped in two… it can really keep us from the hope that it will ever be mended again. But if God calls that He will mend us in our brokenness… then of course He will mend these broken relationships in our lives.  I think we just need to “press on to acknowledge Him” like the verse states above so that we can be focused on the work that He is doing in our lives.  He brought us into relationship with Him… and He never will ever let us go… and so therefore it pleases Him immensely for us to seek Him and trust Him even in our earthly relationships.

We are affected spiritually by the people that God has placed in our lives… and when it seems that there is a huge hole in us… we have to trust that only God can fill that.. and then when we least expect it His healing in you is followed by a healed relationship. It’s awesome.

Jesus, I just want to trust you with my whole life.

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.“

so awake yet so needing sleep!

One of the most beautiful songs ever written was sung to me tonight…

Dylan - “To Ramona”

Ramona, come closer,
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness
Shall pass as your senses will rise.
The flowers of the city
Though breathlike, get deathlike at times.
And there’s no use in tryin’
T’ deal with the dyin’,
Though I cannot explain that in lines.

I’d forever talk to you,
But soon my words,
They would turn into a meaningless ring.
For deep in my heart
I know there is no help I can bring.
Everything passes,
Everything changes,
Just do what you think you should do.
And someday maybe,
Who knows, baby,
I’ll come and be cryin’ to you.

James 1:2-8

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

I didnt really know where to start today in my readings… and for some reason the book of James just popped into my head. This idea of the clashing of trials and our strong hope in God is where God really combines His seemingly two opposite characteristics (both Lion and Lamb) to show that we will have trials and tests in this relationship with Him, but also within that we must know that our hope is also in the Comforter and the Giver of all. Also something interesting in the last few verses about our then reaction to the trials in our lives… our free will and part in this relationship. By asking and fully believing that God will “give generously to all without finding fault”… knowing this creates a sense in us of keeping that perseverance to seek Him during those trials.

We all have trials, it is just a part of this relationship. But we can have confidence within these to know that the Jesus who came and died for us is wanting us to live life with Him.

Lately, my struggles have been with faithfulness and patience in the Lord. I am constantly learning to wait upon Him… but it is often hard when He plants dreams in me that I have to learn to wait on His timing for to be fulfilled. It’s like getting a taste of something… but having to grow that desire within you rather than having it fulfilled immediately.

I was also brought back to reality last night by a friend to “appreciate where you are at” because God is working in me now in the places He has called me to be. That although these passions are for a purpose… I can’t be less passionate for the people and areas that I am called to now… and that I must not be discouraged because Satan likes to make you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere by waiting. his words are “Hurry! Just do things yourself because God is too busy right now!” Pah. his tricks are old and I rebuke them.

God has been so faithful even though I have been so antsy…

Sometimes I do feel like this is just an “inbetween time”… a waiting period.

my heart. (see above)

currently trying my hardest to write a paper on poverty and minority families and creating an intervention program to help these at risk families. RAR. to say the least, its becoming really frustrating. it just boggles my mind how pompous I’m sounding in my paper… but i honestly cant help it because it has to be FOUR pages. “to be successful in the real world you have to learn to be concise” (so says my prof). but this conciseness makes me feel like im sacrificing what i wish i could say instead… and sounding like i really agree with myself when i don’t…

it really breaks my heart though to hear these stats over and over again… “being a minority, single parent families, low levels of education, changing family structure… lead(s) to increased risk of poverty” we know we know we know why people end up in poverty… we have know forever. why isnt this changing? are we digging ourselves into a hole trying to set up these prevention programs that only label the populace as “victims who need help”? have we put them in a position where they cannot break through the poverty cycle (it really is one) and just stay there because our programs to help these people “in need” are just creating jobs for ourselves? are those people thinking we are stupid for trying to change them because they are fine where they are? maybe?

or are there people who want help and they cant get it because there are no programs in their neighborhood to educate them and get them on the track to a better life that they wish they could understand because they have only read about them in books? are there children who wish they could do their homework but cant concentrate because the TV is too loud and they live in a one room apartment and there is no safe place for them to study? are there people starving and wishing that there was a soup kitchen… just for today so that they can sit down to dinner with their family? maybe?

maybe only Jesus. maybe only someone, and not so many somethings. we try to set up programs that seem like what people need. but i think people need to know they have a Savior. they have someone who cares and who wants them to live out the Gospel and love their families and their neighbors. poop on programs and lack of programs right now. i want the world to know its redeemable quality thought Christ. and know things about His love, and His grace and His faithfulness to us because we are His servants to the world….because every sin on Him was laid so that we may LIVE.

Jesus we need You. in our overeducated minds that convince us we dont need you there we need You… in our apartments and dorms we need You… in our churches we need You… at the Food Bank we need You… in the suburbs we need You… in the inner city we need You…

woot!

okay… so im not one to go to a hair salon or have a perfect hair cut so i just do it myself. i chop at it when im bored and thin it out and fix things… but i think it has come to a point where i just am practically making this stuff on top of my head what i was most adament against making it, almost an idol really. funny how that happens.

so tomorrow im off to get it properly fixed (yes! by a stylist!) and chopped so that i will not fuss over it for a while. i dont think i have spent money on a hair cut in almost three years.

i do wonder what other things we fight so hard against conforming to that begin to define us (trying so hard NOT to wear what everyone else does… trying so hard to be different)… rather than letting what we are striving for define us.

Thinking of this…these verses popped into my head from 1 Peter…

3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

This is such a beautiful example (i think it can also really speak to men too) about where we have to be putting our hope. We just have to. Jesus is really calling us to this idea of surrender of ourselves (constant and daily destruction and reconstruction of what we are living for) to a life that He is calling us to.

———-

in other randomness… while watching American Gangster over break there was a pretty raunchy sex scene. My friend Andrew (who I lovingly call “Dad” and who now has even more recognition to the name because of this) put his hands over my eyes during it and made me plug my ears… it mostly made me giggle… but honestly, I really respected him for doing that. It was really selfless and he had total respect for upholding my purity, especially when oftentimes we don’t even seem to think about what we let into our eyes and ears. Sometimes for women I think we feel like a guy who wants to only protect and respect us (heh no rhyme intended) we twist his intentions around to make him seem like someone who wants us to remain ignorant. So so untrue, ladies.